So you’re here because you want to know why men withdraw from relationships.
Something he’s doing or not doing is setting off alarm bells in your head and making you worried that he’s pulling away from you and withdrawing.
Maybe he’s not calling back or texting as much, or maybe he asked for some space, or maybe he flaked on you one too many times, or maybe there’s just something about his vibe that makes you feel like he’s not that into you anymore.
more: Why Do Men Pull Away?
Whatever the reason, it feels like he’s pulling away from you and you don’t know why it’s happening or how to stop it.
I’m here to help. I’m going to give you the biggest reasons why it sometimes feels like guys are withdrawing from a relationship, plus exactly what you should do.
Why Is He Withdrawing?
Right now it’s likely that you’re worried and freaking out about what’s going to happen in your relationship.
more: Why Do Men Pull Away When They’re Falling In Love?
That’s totally normal. It’s super scary to feel like a guy you like is pulling away from you!
Especially if things are starting to get serious between you, or they already are. It can even feel like a betrayal – “how can he just want to abandon me like that?”
The reason I bring any of this up is that there’s an extremely important rule to remember here: engaging with that kind of negativity is actually going to drive him further away.
I’ll explain what I mean in just a minute, but first let’s talk about the reasons he might be pulling away.
more: The Top 3 Reasons Men Pull Away
The Exact Reasons Men Withdraw From Relationships
If you’re confused about why a guy is withdrawing from a relationship, it’s very likely that the reason has to do with him and his personal life, and that it’s not about your relationship. When a guy has to deal with a problem in his personal life (whether that’s at work or with his family or some other reason), he devotes his energy and attention towards fixing it. That might feel like he’s pulling away from you (since his attention is elsewhere), but chances are it will come back if you just play it cool.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
What Are The Reasons Guys Pull Away From Relationships?
One of the most common reasons that it seems like a guy is pulling away is because he has something come up in his life that he wants to give his full attention to.
Maybe a problem came up at work, and he’s got to work extra hard in order to solve it. Maybe something is going on with his family and he doesn’t really want to share about it. Maybe he’s having a problem with his living situation, or his car, or something else in his life.
more: What To Do When A Guy Withdraws
Most guys like to concentrate on one thing at a time. We’re not as good at multi-tasking, so when a guy has to figure something out or solve a problem, usually he wants to put all his energy and focus towards it.
And while that feels natural to him, it could feel to anyone else involved in his life like he’s pulling his attention and presence away from them.
In his mind, he’s redirecting his energy and attention towards a problem so that he can solve it. But in your mind, it could feel like he’s emotionally pulling away from you, especially if he hasn’t been communicating much (which to him is more like cutting down on distractions to finish what he’s working on).
more: Why Didn’t He Text Back?
In this type of situation, the guy isn’t as emotionally invested in the day to day up and down of the relationship. He’s not living and dying on every missed call or text that takes a while to return.
Instead, he’s focusing on whatever problem he’s working on. The relationship is something he trusts to still be there when his focus isn’t monopolized by his current work.
So to him, it feels like he’s just setting the relationship down for a moment, and planning on picking it back up as soon as he’s solved his crisis.
But to you, it can feel like the world is ending.
more: Why Did He Withdraw After Sex
The Worst Mistake You Can Make When It Feels Like He’s Pulling Away
And it’s at this precise moment that many women make the critical mistake that winds up pushing him further away and even sending the relationship into a spiral that eventually destroys it.
The truth is, the example I gave above is a very common reason that it feels like he’s pulling away, but it’s not the only one. He really could be having second thoughts about the relationship, or he could be figuring out how he feels about you, or one of a million other possibilities.
more: The Biggest Signs A Guy Is Pulling Away
The most important point is that you can’t guess why he’s withdrawing. You’re not a mind reader. There’s no way for you to get inside his head and figure it out.
Analyzing his actions from every angle trying to find clues about how he feels about you or figure out what went wrong is a waste of your time and energy. All it’s going to do is freak you out, make you feel weird around him, make him feel weird around you, and push him even further away.
In fact, obsessing about why he’s pulling away (and trying to figure out how to pull him back) is actually the critical mistake that pushes him even further away.
more: The Exact Reasons Why Men Disappear
When you obsess about the reason behind why he feels distant towards you, it makes you scrutinize his every word and action for clues. That feels awful from his perspective. Imagine if he was putting everything you said and did under a magnifying glass to search for clues about how you felt about him.
It feels off-putting! It makes him feel like he has to walk around eggshells with you and think about what he says in order to say the right thing and avoid upsetting you.
more: Why Do Guys Pull Away After Sex?
That’s the opposite of the vibe you want to have in your relationship. Relationships blossom, strengthen, and deepen when both partners feel like they can be themselves around each other, without fear of judgement.
So if he feels like he has to watch what he says around you, it’s going to make him want to be around you way less. That in turn is going to deepen your fears that he’s withdrawing from you, which will make you obsess over his behavior even more, and the whole thing turns into a vicious cycle that tears your relationship apart from inside.
Don’t go down that road with him. It only leads to heartbreak.
more: What To Do When He Withdraws
So What Should You Do When He’s Pulling Away?
It’s simple. Avoid the trap I described above and if it feels like he’s pulling away from you, play it cool and give him the space he’s looking for.
We already talked about not being able to read his mind. You can’t ever figure out for sure why it feels like he’s pulling away from you.
more: 3 Reasons Why Men Pull Away
Which is why the only winning move in this situation is to give him the space he’s looking for.
By playing it cool, you avoid the trap of bringing the relationship into a situation that might not have been about the relationship at all. Maybe he really was obsessing about something at work – and by making it about the relationship you would have destabilized things between you.
Instead, by playing it cool, you let him give his full attention and focus to whatever’s bothering him, and give him the time and space to come back to you refreshed, recharged, and ready to be in the relationship.
more: Luring A Man Out Of His Cave
There’s just no upside to chasing after him, or obsessing about why he might feel distant. That’s why the best thing to do is to play it cool.
Plus, when he’s looking for distance from the relationship, he’s going to get it one way or the other. Chasing after him only pushes him away further as he seeks the perspective he’s been trying to get.
When you play it cool, you let him have what he needs, plus you give him the space he needs to miss you again and come back to you.
more: What To Do If Your Man Is Withdrawing
So the moral of the story is: if it feels like he’s pulling away, play it cool. Anything else will push him away further, while playing it cool and letting him have space will eventually make him want to come back to you.
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
I followed this but eventually I got crazy cuz I got a really bad feeling stuck in my heart for a week, and I felt like I’d got sick if I kept this emotion. So I communicated with my partner in a concerning way to figure out what’s going on. The result was good he said he still cares about me, it’s just he’s too busy with his new job and the upcoming certificate exam. He told me he couldn’t pay too much attention on me for these 4 months. Sometimes he just dissapeared for several days.. I don’t know how long can I endure this. What should I do?
most of the time it’s not even an issue brought about by the woman. men sometimes need to deal with important issues/matter outside the relationship, so they start pulling away and and creating that space. not to worry though, most of the time this is their way of protecting you and the relationship from whatever drama or mishaps and mix ups that may arise along the way.
this is absolutely worth reading and sharing. thanks for this post!
this seem to be easy to do, trust me it isn’t.
this is a god read and i think that women should be able to realize these things.
thanks for sharing this.
i will be sending this to my friends, it is such a helpful note.
good thing a came across this article. this is something i need to know to really keep the man i love. thank you!
oh my gosh, this is so true! it happened to me and it was a nightmare dealing with a guy withdrawing form you :(
if he’s experiencing issues at work or with whatever, does he really need to withdraw? i mean a mature person can just say it and make his partner understand and help him out, right?
ladies, don’t think it’s your fault. men have their reasons, sometimes though it’s really nonsense haha
women need to read this to get ideas and know what to do
i would be devastated if my boyfriend ever pulls away..i swear i don’t know what i will do or even feel. :(
this is something i wouldn’t understand if it were to happen to me. thanks for talking about this topic, i now understand why such things happen in relationships
man and women differ in many things especially in how they cope with troubles and issues. try to understand you man better so you won’t end up losing him.
though it’s painfully sad, this is something every woman must know and understand. it can be a giod thing in the end too.
this is a very informative post, i love it and i’m sure a lot of women will do too. i’m definitely sharing this to my ladies.
you can’t help it, it’s just their nature.
wow, what a very informative insight. this will be sent out to my girl friends.
this was the worst i have ever felt. just when i was falling in love with him, he started pulling away. )=
he might be really having second thoughts on the relationship. let him think things over and do not force anything on him.
this is an eye opener for me, thanks i’ve learned so much from this.
just when you thought everything’s going well..your guy withdraws! must be difficult to even think about. :(
this is a good read, i actually learned from this. thanks!
if your man is having second thoughts on you & your relationship, better talk about it and try to resolve issues especially those you didn’t even know existed.
anyone experiencing this can go crazy for sure. we tend to obsess on the reasons why and what could possible gone wrong. thanks for the info.
giving him space is almost like giving him freedom to do things he’s not supposed to while in a relationship
why can’t they just face the issues head on instead of withdrawing and leaving us, women feeling so devastated..?!!!!!!
this one’s a very clear explanation. thanks for all your ideas and for wanting to help us better understand
i hope men realize that there’s nothing to worry about as long as they be open
thank you for making me understand a bit better.