You’re here because the man you want is acting distant towards you all of a sudden.
Something between you has changed, and now he’s acting differently.
Maybe he’s not showing you the chivalric, gentlemanly side that he once showed you. Maybe he’s not pursuing you like he once did.
Maybe it feels like you’re bothering him or annoying him whenever you reach out to him. Or maybe he’s making lots of excuses about why you can’t spend time together.
Maybe he’s getting angry when you ask him for something or tell him how you feel when he never used to in the past. Maybe he says that he loves you, but he still acts distant towards you.
Maybe you can even sense him pulling away from you even when you’re right next to each other.
more: Why Do Men Pull Away?
What Is Going On With Him?
Whatever it is – his behavior towards you is freaking you out.
You’re worried that he’s pulling away and that he’s going to leave… and you don’t want him to end what you have between you.
Worse than that, you just don’t know what to do. You’re afraid of making things worse, but it feels so awful not knowing what he’s feeling or thinking.
You might even feel like you’re close to panicking, and you don’t know how to move forward to get your relationship back to the way it was before.
Don’t worry – I’ve got you covered. I’m going to give you the most likely reasons he might be acting distant towards you all of a sudden, and exactly what you should do in those situations.
more: Why Do Men Fall In Love And Why Men Leave “Perfect” Women
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
First Step: Don’t Freak Out
If you’re starting to feel panicky and worried, and you just don’t know what to do, the first and most important step is not to freak out.
Your instincts are going to scream at you that you need to get reassurance and validation from him. They’ll be driving you to try to get attention and affection from him, in order to soothe the insecurity about the relationship that you’re feeling.
Don’t let your instincts seize control.
That’s the biggest mistake that many women make in this situation, and it’s often a fatal one to the relationship.
The huge mistake that many women make in this situation is to let fear of loss control their actions. When you let fear and insecurity dictate your actions in your relationship, you make it much, much more likely that things will fall apart between you.
more: What Are The Exact Signs A Guy Is Pulling Away?
Instead of feeling happy, relaxed, and comfortable around him, and enjoying the time you spend with him, you’ll be feeling insecure and worried instead. Every time you talk to him, you’ll feel insecurity rising up in your chest.
Instead of enjoying the time you spend together, you’ll be looking for validation from him. You won’t feel ‘ok‘ unless you soothe your anxiety about how he feels about you.
That’s what I call a ‘needy mindset’. I’m going to go into that in detail in a little bit, but what you should remember for now is that it’s poison to any relationship.
Instead of feeling happy to be with you, he’ll feel like you’re trying to get validation from him every time you talk. That feels awful for both of you, and winds up pushing him away even further.
So what should you do instead?
more: Why Men Withdraw And Exactly What To Do About It
The Biggest Reasons Guys Act Distant All Of A Sudden
Guys generally start acting distant all of a sudden (i.e. out of the blue in a relationship) when something outside the relationship grabs their attention and forces them to concentrate on it. This could be a problem at work, a problem with his family, something in his personal life stressing him out, or something else entirely. The most important thing to remember is that letting him have the space to deal with what’s bothering him is the best possible thing to do in this situation.
I’m going to talk about the biggest reasons that men become distant, and what you should do in each case.
One of the biggest reasons that a guy might start acting distant towards you is if something in his life is stressing him out outside the relationship, and he wants to tackle it alone.
Maybe he’s having problems at work and doesn’t feel like talking about them. Or maybe work is just extra stressful for a little while.
Maybe something stressful is happening in his family and he doesn’t feel comfortable discussing it.
Maybe something else has gone wrong in his life and he’s working on that.
Whatever it is – he’s got less energy, attention, and time for everything in his life outside the problem, and that includes the relationship.
more: What To Do When A Guy Suddenly Stops Texting You
This can feel like he’s being distant towards you, when really his energy and attention is just focused elsewhere. This can feel especially strong if you were super close before, because the sudden shift in the dynamic between you can feel jarring.
The most important thing to remember in this situation is that his acting distant has nothing to do with you. It’s all about what’s going on in his personal life – and you might not even know about it.
The best thing to do is not to chase after him, not to crowd him, and not to go to him for reassurance or validation.
Rather, let him take the space he needs to figure out what’s going on and solve the problems in his life. You can let him know you’re there for him if he needs you, but let him take the space he needs to figure out what’s going on in his own life.
If he’s really working through a problem, he’ll appreciate you understanding that he needs a bit of time and space and giving it to him, without getting angry, attacking him, or trying to punish him for being distant.
But what if he’s acting distant because of something in the relationship? What should you do then?
more: How To Tell If Your Ex-Boyfriend Still Loves You
Watch The Video: What To When He Suddenly Acts Distant
What To Do If He’s Acting Distant Because Of Something In The Relationship
Another big reason a guy might start acting distant all of a sudden is because he might be feeling smothered in the relationship.
This happens when a guy feels ‘neediness’ from you, and pulls back because of it.
I spoke a little bit about neediness before, so here’s what it’s really about: Being ‘needy’ isn’t anything specific you do – it’s about your mindset in the relationship.
If you ‘need’ him to act a certain way or respond a certain way to you in order to feel “ok” – that’s a needy mindset. That’s going to come through in every interaction you have with him… he’s going to feel like you ‘need’ something from him in order to feel ok inside.
When a guy feels like you ‘need’ him more than you ‘desire’ him, it’s poison in a relationship. It will instinctively make him pull away from you.
more: When A Guy Withdraws…
If he’s acting super annoyed with you when you interact with him, it’s more likely that he’s feeling smothered or something else in the relationship is bothering him.
So if that’s the case – what should you do?
If he’s acting distant because he’s feeling smothered and like he has to pull away, then you should do the exact same thing as the first scenario when he was acting distant because something in his life was stressing him out.
Play it cool! Don’t try to pull him back, don’t chase after him, and don’t seek his validation.
more: The #1 Reason Men Suddenly Lose Interest
Instead, if he’s pulling away, give him the space he’s looking for.
The ‘needy’ thing to do in this situation is text him, call him, and reach out to him seeking validation. It will feel bad to him (and to you), because you’ll be chasing after him and trying to get something from him, rather than enjoying the relationship naturally.
Instead, let him have the space to miss you. He can’t miss you if you’re chasing after him, or calling and texting him to try to get his attention – he won’t have the opportunity to start to miss you.
He can only miss you if you give him the space to miss talking to you and miss being with you.
more: Why Men Pull Away: The Top 3 Reasons
The best thing you can do is give him the space to feel like he’s in control and give him the opportunity to miss you. That will make him much more likely to stop acting distant and come back to you instead.
That brings me to the final reason a guy might start acting distant all of a sudden: he could be having doubts about your relationship.
It sucks, and it hurts to hear, but it’s a possibility.
If that’s the case – you have no control over what he decides to do. He’s got to work it out in his own head.
more: 3 Things You Can Do When He’s Getting Emotionally Distant
The only thing you can do at that point is hurt your chances with him – by reaching out to him, seeking validation and attention. If you try to reach out to him because you’re feeling insecure about the relationship, it’s only going to reinforce his doubts and push him further away. (Because you’ll ‘need’ him to respond in order to feel ‘ok‘ – and that’s going to make him feel worse about the relationship).
So your strategy in this situation is still the same: play it cool, let him have some space and time away from the relationship so that he can figure out what he wants to do.
more: 8 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Might Be Acting Indifferent
If he decides he doesn’t want to be in the relationship, that sucks… but it couldn’t have been avoided. Nothing you could have said or done while he was taking some time and space would have made him change his mind.
Don’t feel bad or try to second guess yourself – you avoided the awful experience of chasing after his attention and affection, without being able to change the final result.
No matter what happens, you give yourself the best chance of staying together by letting him have the time he needs to figure things out in his head.
more: 3 Steps To Stop A Man From Withdrawing
He’ll respect that you’re giving him the space he’s looking for without attacking him or punishing him for it. And that will make him more likely to be honest with you in the future, and want to stay together with you.
I hope this article helped you understand the main reasons that a guy will suddenly start acting differently and distant towards you. Are you confident you know exactly what to do in this situation to bring him back? Because there are 2 big problems every woman experiences in her relationships with men so pay attention because the next step is vitally important. If you are already interested in a man and you feel he might be losing interest, going cold or pulling away then you need to read this right now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
And the second big problem that could leave you heartbroken and alone forever is this: Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Related posts:
Why is he ignoring me all of a sudden? (When he avoids you suddenly)
How To Tell If He’s Testing You By Pulling Away From You
How To Give Him Space So That He Misses You And Comes Back
He Is Distant: How To Bring Him Back (Exactly What To Do)
The Real Reasons Men Pull Away When They Are Falling In Love
Why Is He Ignoring My Texts All of a Sudden: 26 Reasons He Ignores You
Loosely translated as “pander to him”, “walk on eggshells” and “put yourself and your needs second” because “that’s the only way not to be a bother and drive him away”. Seriously! What century are we living in? Value yourselves ladies, if a guy stops communicating without good explanation, he’s either not mature enough to manage an adult relationship or he’s not that bothered about you. Either way you’re onto a dud. Have an adult conversation by all means and offer him the time he needs if explains that he is dealing with some other stuff in his life and has less time for you than he’d like… but do not accept no explanation or this situation indefinitely because the best outcome is a relationship where he’s fully in control of you and your emotions and is free to blow hot and cold as he pleases – giving you scraps of what you really need when it suits him. If he can’t or won’t explain his silence and is willing to lose you over it, then he doesn’t really want you.
I totally agree — the article was spot-on and gives the right kind of advice.
No. What this is saying is give a man space when he needs it.
I went through this with my guy. He said he needed space and I said okay. I didn’t text or communicate with him for 10 days. He texted me once saying sorry and he hopes I can forgive him while he works out his stuff and that he loved me. After 10 days he texted me saying he can’t not have me and he missed me so much. I didn’t text him back for two days. Once I responded I was cool, calm and collected. Things ended up working out. He did ask for space again but it was only for a couple of hours. It’s so hard but it made things much better between us.
This was a truthful and honest advice I’ve heard yet thank you for being so right Men are always visual and they see things differently women are emotional with everything we do this was really helpful
See I had all these things happening and he started to treat me like crap and it got so bad I stayed in a different room at all times and he didn’t seem like he cared about me anymore or my feelings and everything I did was wrong. You notice when that look changes or most the time he won’t look at you. And I did everything I possibly could to fix things but unfortunately in the end and in our case he lost interest in me because he caught feelings for another woman. So you can imagine after all this I was at my lowest mentally and drained and didn’t feel good enough and no Good woman should ever be put through this :( good luck ladies
Well put. Hes a narcissist
Going through the exact problem. But to me it all sounds like there is no meeting half way. Women have to stay away cause he’s thinking or women have to stay away and give space cause he’s tired. Well why shouldn’t it say “suck it up for 10 minutes a day, have a normal conversation with your wife”. and I bet she will give you more than enough space when she has the feeling that she’s a part of your life and not just your maid/nanny/cook/night entertainment. We deserve more than that!!!
Men deserve better too. I am in a relationship with someone who is bipolar. I wake up and she is mad. I go back to bed and she is happy. I ride the wave of emotions all the time. Oh she also doesn’t want to have sex or be intimate in anyway shape or form. She does have issues but if i talk about them she just gets super defensive. She is emotional retarded. No sex, no conversation, no love. If I leave I’m the bad guy but all the things she said Exes said about her are coming true and she is so emotional retarded she can’t see she is the real problem
I’d leave and I am a woman. She sounds selfish on top of everything else.
Stupid to say give him time in all scenarios. Fact is he sometimes tests the girl and a true good girl will persue to some extent. And that is exactly what he wants to see. Don´t be a fool and waste something potentially great.
Thank you for giving me that extra strength to continue…I’ve been widowed for 4 years and found this man online. We both had similar attributes, messaged everyday until there was silence. I freaked out, rang him, messaged him but to no avail! All I can say is, I’m not a ‘babysitter’…I can’t read men’s mind….onward and forward
Ha…as soon as he acted distant I tried to have an adult conversation as to why. He couldn’t handle it, so I dumped him. Got no time for immature men. Ladies don’t waste your time on emotionally unavailable men. You deserve better than that noise. It’s not your job to tolerate it. A mature man will be direct with you. They do exist.
So true!
oh wow. i can relate, i hope you find the peace and happiness all your heart can hold with someone who will love you and appreciate you. dont beat yourself up, he was probably a broken man when you met him, and the depression and sadness u spoke about in him.. did not come from you, it came from inside- he has to fix that with god’s help and figure out the source of his pain and unhappiness, there is nothing u can do to fix that, it is an internal issue beyond your control.
omg.. if that aint the truth . i feel the same. I am 31, i dont have time either… TIME WAITS FOR NOYONE!!!!
1month before i make mistakes and after sometime i apologize he is so angry ,we didn’t talk nicely to each other i text him and calling him he says don’t call me he is so angry and when i call him he listen about what happen when i make mistake then he says again in angry dont call me he is so angry that he says i dont want be with u he deside himself we had breakup and he feels depressed and sad even he dont know what to do…. What i do to make him happy and back so that i make things right which i make mistakes
oh wow. i can relate, i hope you find the peace and happiness all your heart can hold with someone who will love you and appreciate you.
I know it’s way harder said than done. But, imo, just from what you shared here, you have every right to BOUNCE. No one should be treated that way, by anyone. I know it’s hard, can feel impossible even, to really leave. But, there will come a day where you’ve just had enough and you will find the strength from there to walk away for good. Having a child together makes things harder tho, as I’m sure you know. But, what I’ve learned is, for the most part, kids will grow to understand why you separated from their father. They won’t hate on you and most of the time it won’t be something that even effects them negatively. Having a kid see you happy, weather it’s with or without their father, is what is important. It took me several years to realize that. Fighting is what hurts the child. Stepping away from that to pursue happiness in your life can be a very positive thing in your child’s mind as they get older and understand the world around them. Anyway, good luck <3
Well, I beg to differ. I gave him time and space for almost 2 months! Then I tried talking to him about his being distant! Nothing has worked so far.
He says he loves me and that it’s not related to our relationship at all. But he doesn’t give any reasons either.
It’s no picnic when you reach to this point.
It’s not all about playing cool or neediness.
Guys! Man up! Either talk about it or buzz off!
BEST ARTICLE EVER. THANK YOU!!!!
Some ladies say that no men should behave like this with women etc. At the same time, needy people (even pets! talk about my sister’s dog :D ) are exhausting to deal with over a longer period. Sometimes, when being with my 5 y/o niece, I just want her to be content and play happily, not follow me around and expect my attention every second. But yeah, men can make us women lose our cool :D Come on, we love them, they have seen our most vulnerable side. It is easy to lose your totally cool persona and start acting super needy all of a sudden. It takes some conscious effort to not be a needy person. Called personal development ;)
I knew he was he going through a lot at work and gave him space for almost two weeks. We berely talked and it was very difficult for me to keep away.
He got colder and we ended up taking a break because he needs to focus on work…
I don’t know how to feel about it… But I’m trying to understand his part and how much pressure and stress he’s handling right now.
Now would be a good time to keep your options open. Once he sees you with another man, he may straightend up! Trust me, it works!
i met a guy who wanted to marry me without
even having dated me for long,as soon
as i started to return his affection he said
it’s going too fast for him
and he doesn’t wanna give up on his freedom.
he wanted to friend-zone me and keep me ‘on the
waiting list’ so i dumped him.i guess he just wanted to lure me
into sex which he couldn’t! so he ran off!and surely he’s got other ladies around so the best thing i could do was to get rid of him and remove him from my
life
same here gurl! you better say it again
If a guy feels smothered over any little thing — I don’t need him. If he gets distant and not talk about it I’ll find someone who can. I’m not going to sit around and feel uncomfortable while someone works out their stuff.
So I keep a boyfriend if I follow this advice but to marry someone like that is definitely going to divorceville
exactly! if he acts like this it means he’s not
normal! keep away from these men! i’m
talking out of experience
THIS!!!!!
I need help figuring this out I have a boyfriend of 7 years and I plan on leaving him cause I’m not happy with him anymore plus more reasons. So this guy comes to me for my number etc. So for a few we talking and hanging everythingbis so right. But lately I got this text from the friend saying he court again with his kid I do believe him but we not at all texted after this. Is it that he is really going through stuff in his personal life or is my bf in the way
So your a cheat?
Ummm BF? Sounds like your the problem. Leave him, don’t cheat on him. Smh
worth reading. do not second guess yourself. try to understand the situation before trying to question or blame yourself.
women need to understand this and accept that some men go thru such stages.
good point! thanks for sharing your thoughts!
this happened to me..but i knew it was gonna end sooner or later. so i conditioned myself and my heart when i saw the signs. :(
i hope men can just be honest about what they’re dealing wit, whether it be an issue at work or family related. things will be better that way.
don’t freak out and don’t try to blame everything on yourself. guys go through such things but with your help, they get over it and things will get back to normal soon after.
it might be that there’s really something bothering him. it can be from work or family..ask him and talk to him about it, you might even be able to help.
i can’t not freak out at first because he was acting weird. it felt like we were falling apart and i didn’t like it at all. but eventually we sorted things out and we’re getting better at this. thanks to you!
make sure you listen to him as nuchbas you want him to listen to you
do not freak out. try to understand first what is happening and talk to him. no better way than communicate your issues and solutions.
i think i can use these right now. my BF started acting distant since he came home from a business trip. could it be that he doesn’t want me anymore??
now i understand. thank you for always sharing your brilliant thoughts and wisdom when it comes to men and relationship issues!
i wouldn’t know what to do if i’ll ever be in this situation. i hope ill never have to though.
he may be too focused on his job right now and that’s just it. maybe i’m overthinking and overreacting. i just don’t know what to do. thank you for sharing this.
thank you for the details, now i kinda understand this
it’s surely best to talk to him. that way, you might even be able to help him in any way you can
some men are just too afraid of commitment so they suddenly get distant thinking about things that will change
men are so weird! they don’t like it when they don’t get much attention, they don’t like being smothered too! ugh!
thank you for this post, ive been enlightened. i areally appreciate it
i’m definitely gonna freak out if this happens to my man!
Ladies, better read this and be guided before you react
no need to worry too much, talk to him in a very calm manner. do not be angry or come attacking him with your questioning, etc
if your man starts acting distant, try to figure out why instead of reacting and panicking
thank you for this great info. Now i know what to do next time he seems to distance himself from me
men are so complicated! :(
it will definitely drives me crazy when my bf do this to me… specially not knowing the real reason…
how can you not freak out if he does this to you?
giving a guy some space is really scary..ot can make or break the relationship.
if he says he needs space, he does need it. i gave my man space when he asked for it and eventually worked out for our good.
this is so common to men..women really need to be informed