You’re here because the man you want said he needs space.
What does that mean? Does he want to end the relationship? Are you doing something wrong?
Most importantly – how can you fix it?
Don’t worry, I’m here to help.
more: Why Do Men Pull Away?
If he’s asking you for space, chances are that you’re thinking back through everything you said and did looking for something you did wrong.
You’re probably scouring your relationship for clues on what’s happening and trying to get him to give you signs he still cares about you.
Now, listen carefully: what you do after he asks you for space is super important. If you get upset it’s going to make things worse, but if you react well then it’s going to make your relationship much better.
more: Why Men Fall In Love And Why Men Leave “Perfect” Women
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
What To Do When He Says He Needs Space
If he tells you he needs space, it’s not going to help to fight it, or try to convince him he doesn’t, or try to get him to come back to you by guilting him or making him feel bad about pulling away. In fact, the absolute best thing to do when he says he needs space is to believe him, and let him have the space he’s looking for. If you do that, he will be able to concentrate and solve whatever’s bothering him, and it makes him much much much more likely to want to come back to you once he’s figured things out.
more: The Exact Signs A Guy Is Pulling Away
Why Did He Ask For Space?
The truth is, space is part of any happy, healthy relationship.
We’ll discuss how to give a guy space, but before I can tell you what to do, you need to understand a few truths about men, relationships, and how to bring y our best in the relationship to bring the best out of the relationship.
First, let’s talk why men need space.
more: What To Do When A Guy Withdraws
The Truth About Why Men Need Space
When guys get upset, they like to go into their shell to get some perspective on the issue at hand.
It might seem mean or cruel from the outside, but from his perspective he’s actually doing this FOR you. When men are upset, they’re more likely to “attack” and lash out at those around them (even the people they love).
That’s a huge reason why men go silent when they get really upset – they’d rather not say anything than say something hurtful and vicious that he would regret immediately after saying it.
more: How To Get Your Ex Back In 5 Steps Guaranteed
Chances are, he won’t need that long in his shell, but it’s crucial to recognize how important his “shell time” is for him to re-stabilize and gain the perspective he needs to constructively address whatever’s going on.
There’s another common reason that men seek space in a relationship. Men are wired to focus on one thing at a time – whether that’s work, or going out with friends, or even playing video games.
When he’s doing something else, let his attention be there. There’s a mindset shift where instead of going after his attention all the time or whenever you’re missing him, you agree with him that when you’re apart he can focus on what he’s doing and reach out when he’s free.
more: Why Won’t He Commit To You?
That way, when you’re together his attention is 100% with you, instead of being split and distracted by other things (like work, or errands, or whatever else).
Next, let’s talk about what makes a good relationship:
The Truth About How Good Relationships Stay Fresh And Exciting
The longest lasting and most successful relationships are between people who want to bring their best to the relationship every time they’re with each other.
A crucial truth to understand is that it’s not about how much time you spend with each other – it’s about the quality of the time that you spend with each other.
more: If He Says He Needs Space… What Should You Do?
If you spend tons of time with someone but you fight all the time, no one would call that a great relationship. But if your schedules conspire so that you can only spend a little time with each other, but that time is amazing – anyone can see that you have a great relationship.
In this way, sometimes the best thing to do for a relationship is to spend less time together. Why is that?
Too much time together can kind of “drain the charge” from each of your batteries – everything you love about the relationship can lose its luster. Things can become boring, even routine – nothing new to talk about, things are getting too “comfortable”… you get the idea.
more: The Top 3 Reasons Why Men Pull Away
Couples need time alone to “recharge” and bring out their best for each other if they want a great relationship.
So with that out of the way:
What To Do If He Says He Needs Space
If he’s asked for space, your best bet is to give him the time he needs to “recharge” and come back happy and excited to be with you.
While you’re apart, a crucial goal for you to aim for is to change your mindset about your relationship. Instead of looking to the relationship to “fill you up” emotionally, look at it as something that you fill up with your emotional tone and happiness.
more: The Real Reasons Men Lose Interest
Try to fill up your life with things that make you happy and things that you love to do. A meaningful social life, fun hobbies, exercise, and growth are the things that should be “filling you up” with happiness – happiness that you can then bring to the relationship and make your life even sweeter.
The trick is to bring positive energy into the relationship – filling it up and raising it overall. The secret is that in any amazing relationship, both partners are bringing their own happiness into the relationship – that’s what makes it so rewarding and fulfilling for both of them.
more: 3 Reasons Why Your Man Wants Space And What To Do About It
The best way to make a man invested and committed to a relationship is to bring your best “you” into the relationship – inspiring him to bring his best self and make the relationship as good as it can be.
The way to be your best “you” is to focus your energy on your mood. Your mood is what controls your vibe, and your vibe controls how everyone around you reacts to you.
Negative moods create a negative vibe, which attracts negativity from everyone around you (including your partner). Happiness and good moods create a good vibe, which attracts love from everywhere.
If you want the best relationship, make your good mood your priority. And in order to be in a good mood, like we talked about before, look to your life for fulfillment and happiness, and fill your life with the things that make you happy.
more: What It Means When He Says ‘I Just Need Some Space’
When he’s taking his space, don’t waste your energy by trying to figure out what’s going on in his head. You’re not a mind reader, analyzing him is a waste of your time and effort (and it’s hugely negative in practice, dragging your mood and your vibe down with it).
The key mindset shift here is this: instead of looking at happiness, or confidence, or hope as something you extract from situations, look at those situations as something you bring your emotional tone into.
more: How To Give Your Boyfriend Space
You don’t extract positive emotions from life… you create them within yourself and bring them into your life. It’s only by bringing positivity and happiness into your life from within that you attract it to you from without.
Watch The Video: He Wants Space – How To Give Him Space To Miss You (When He Pulls Away)
So here’s the final word about what to do if he’s asking for space: you can’t read his mind, so that’s a waste of energy. Don’t obsess over figuring out what went “wrong”.
Instead, use his wanting “space” as an opportunity for you to grow, be your best, and improve your relationship by bringing your best, happiest, and most contented self to it.
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Related posts:
How To Give Him Space So That He Misses You And Comes Back
How To Give Him Space So He Pursues You (Why Men Respond To Distance)
How to Give Someone Space Without Losing Them (Or Losing Your Mind)
Here’s Why When He Pulls Away You Should Give Him Space
How To Tell If He’s Testing You By Pulling Away From You
Exactly Why Men Pull Away And Then Come Back (And What To Do When He Does)
My bf asked for space almost a week ago, said I caused to much stress, and he needed time for himself. I couldn’t just let it go, I did ask friends and family about him and wrote a letter apologizing to him and wanting to be better. Did I overstep?? Is there still hope?? I just wanted him to know how I felt!
My bf said he needs space to figure things out that the distance is affecting him and giving him mixed feelings.. I’m confused bc this is a distance relationship and I don’t know why he needs it
I love you’re videos, they seem to help me cope and provide such much needed guidance that I need in such a fragile state. I would love the opportunity to provide more details to see if you could help me know or identify what the boundaries are when they say they want space bc they are dealing with an emotional battle of their own. Thanks again for all your help!
My boyfriend and I have been having some issues, and it was hurting me emotionally cause of his actions towards me. I felt like I had to beg for attention so we talk frequently, long ago it better but now things feel a little sour, we have been together for almost 2 years now.
But later on he noticed how sad I was and how emotionally drained I was.
And today he apologised and admitted that its his fault and he doesn’t want to lose but instead he wants to fix himself. And he’s told me not to give up on him.
Recently, just did this to a girl after an argument and this article is completely right from a guys perspective. After the argument i said i need space to take some things in and clear my head when i was at home for 3 weeks. The disagreement between us was small but at that moment i could not take anymore stress. Nothing good was going to come out of things if i tried to solve things then and there. There was something much bigger going on emotionally and i found that i was having trouble self-regulating my emotions and anxieties that were completely separate from the relationship. During this time she respected me and my space. I reached out in the middle of it and said everything was going to be okay. She let me be during this time and I was able to solve what was going on. The fact that she respected my space and gave me time, only furthered my respect for her! She never reached out and tried to grab my attention. She let me be. I havent reached out yet but will be doing so soon. I dont know if she will want to continue from where we were but her respecting my need, showed me alot.
Do you miss her all this time away and not hearing from her?
Me and my boyfriend just recently broke up. Because he wants a break to fix himself first and we will back together when he is okay. We are long distance relationship and never met yet in person. He said that he does love me but he needs space to fix his problems. It’s my first time having this kind of relationship but I really understand it. I just feel that he might lose his feeling for me. How long space I need to give him for fixing himself? I’m willing to wait for him. It is possible if I will remind him that I still waiting for him? Or just wait for him to reach me.
How did it work out?
The guy I was or am with, I have no idea, just got out of a 28yr relationship but the last 5 have been horrible. About 3 wkd before he left, he did a complete 360. He’s a truck driver and can be gone for months at a time. Thing is, he’s still with his ex when he’s home, and hasn’t really been able to work things out because he’s not home. He already told her that she has to find another place and a few other things but once he got home he caved. Now he’s saying he needs time and is waiting on her to figure out what she’s doing. I honestly don’t think he really wants to leave permanently but if he wants to stay miserable and unhappy then he’s with the right person. Even his grown kids keep telling him to leave and want to see him happy and the same with their mother. Only thing is, I know her and one of his sons but they don’t know about me. At one point he was going to say something but changed his mind. He said he didn’t need the bs and we also don’t talk when he’s home. I’m totally conflicted. He also won’t tell me if he misses me or not. He just says I can’t answer that. Like WTF? You always said be before. He said he does have feelings and can’t just shut them off. Anytime I tell him how I feel, he totally dismisses it and says nothing. I know he’s definitely messed up, but come on now. I’ve never seen him as happy as he was in the 2 years I’ve known him and he even said the same. It’s also scares the crap out of him because it’s been forever since he’s had someone actually care and show it at the same time. I get it cause I’ve been on the same position. Questioned their intentions then bolted. They were actually really great guys but I wasn’t used it. So what do I do, wait like I said I would or walk away? I really don’t want to but if it’s the only solution then I will. I will also have to cut him office completely until this all passed cause I’m a total wreck. All I’ve been doing is crying day in and day out. Can’t do this anymore. Pls help. Thanks
guess am a bit different here cause in my own case i asked her to give me some space,the reason why I demanded for that,was. I cant keep tolerating things that i know fully well that other guys wouldnt take but she’s keep doing it repeatedly and then cry tears of I’m sorry to me everytime.so i told her i needed some space alone,unfortunately she chatted me up today to asked if i still need the space and now am confused on what my respond will be cause in as much as i love her just dont think am ready to have her dish her mischievous behaviour…do need help on what to do.
How did things work out?
My boyfriend of 14years …asked for space and I gave him on may than only he found him self a room to rent and I shared with him household stuff e.g bed.. bedding set..to cutlery so since I did that he never slept by his room bt most of his things wher there …but wen we get into some argument he would go and SLP there up until he started asking some little girl at my zone for her digits …I found out and kept quiet but decided to go the the lady’s house to complain and my man found out the past Sunday tt I went there to complain so I embarrassed him that’s wen he finally decided to live me. … He went away and took every cloth was by the house and asked for space he always needed ….so still I never argued with him I gave him what he needs …I don’t wish him to come back anytime soon it feels great to give someone you love the freedom they need …..if his mine he will be back if not al get myself some one Good choose for me.
I have a boyfriend who I love so much but he started acting weired and now he is asking for space and time what should i do because I think I am loosing him and I love him and I don’t want to loose him
We have the same problem. He asked me yesterday to give him space because he was exhausted and tired from his work and family thing. My heart is so broken and I can’t even eat. I love him so much. I hope he will write back soon
Hey Selena,I’m curious to know, did he ever write back to you? Are you together now?
We are actually going through the Same thing , I love him so much too. And I don’t know what to do apart from trying to give him that space
i’m with my boyfriend for almost 18 years the relationship we had was fine,no problems at all just recently i’ve notice he went home late sometimes he went home the next morning, im nothing against it, I just found out he have new fb account, i’ve never asked him about it instead I let him, but one time i’ve discovered his having a fling with her co-worker and I guessed its been a month already, I confronted him and I admit I physically hurt him, he tell me the truth and he said it’s nothing and it’s not that serious,he will never change me with her…should I believe him? he said it’s my fault why he did those things because me until now I’m not planning to settle down coz I didnt earn”money” and not talking about future..and then he is asking me to give him some space, he just need to find himself,and I will jus let him what his doing…and he assure me just to trust him with his words….what should I do?
Hi ive been in a long distance relationship. Hes asked for some space. At first he said it would bring good vibes to the relationship. But I got upset and we argued about it. Ive written dozens on messahes and he replied just yesterday. Now he says he cant make me happy, and that i should meet someone else.. that he cant give me what i need right now since he doesnt know when are we gonna be together, since none of us has the means to travel.. what should i do?
This is exactly my problem! Also a long distance relationship although he isn’t mine anymore. He said that it’s better to meet someone closer to us. Besides, he was uncertain if we’ll ever be together in the future (as in place). Even though I convinced that I really will be there with him eventually. I even asked to be best friends but then he replied he needed some time..
I’m going thru this right now after 2 years together. He practically lived with me and we had just spent the weekend together up at the lake. He is very depressed and says he’s not ready to give me what I need and that he needs time to get his life straightened out. He recently had an affair with his childhood sweetheart which I forgave him for and I think that’s why he’s depressed as I told her everything for she had no idea I existed and he still lies to her about me but she is married and wants nothing to do with him anymore. I know real keeper right :( we have been thru a lot together and I am going crazy trying to not text him as I told him to take his space and do what he needs too. Has anyone ever had their guy actually come back and wanting things to work? We were together 4-5 days a week, I want to believe he is going to miss me
Was this written by a guy? Honestly, this piece of rubbish tells women how to act for men. How to cater for them. How suppressive
My boyf of (1½yrs together) We do have minor probs bt we solve things out. This time around he said he needs space I asked why but he didn’t mention he only said I’m not to know every thing going on.
I gave him d space he needed since then no Cl,msg,chat this has been going on for over 6 weeks I’m worried could he be after other girls,is he losing interest or just facing his prob?
I’m confused don’t know whether to endure or let go
Need advice pls.
Hi! My bf of 5 years has asked for space and told me that he knows we will end up together again, but he just needs time to figure out things (school, etc). I understand what he is asking me but it has been a month already and I’m afraid of him not coming back. I’m taking this time to work on myself because i’m at fault for how I was with him with my attitude. Should I still hold on? My anxiety doesn’t leave me at ease.
Exact same situation here..except 4 years
Am so humbled and encouraged I got to this site ..I feel cheered up now.stronger than before.
Currently am in a relationship but he traveled to UK.so hez working there and living there as we get along great 5 months so fine.and understanding each other.when am going through a hard time he encourages me and I do the same too but just suddenly yesterday.I checked my Facebook account in a long time,he posted something .I just liked and commented.then I got back to work after a lunch break ..on finishing work I got to my phone to check on him and how his was doing,on seeing.he had blocked me on Facebook,I felt disturbed in my mind and confused why he did that,I sent him some texts on WhatsApp,he just ignored my texts all day and later said,sorry I need space at the moment ..I feel confused,thoughtful and depressed…what should I do?
Sorry to say maybe he met someone else in London and doesnt want her to know that you exist
Going through this right now. He has asked for time after an argument. I did freak out a bit but haven’t message him. See what happens
So he gets to leave and have space while shes home with the children he helped her create…
How does this help anyone? He gets to bail and be selfish….shes left to clean up his mess again
Hi I am currently into a relationship and I hurt him so much that cause him to ask for a space what should I do? what does that mean? We already talked it about and he always tell me that the best way that could fix us, fix me and fix himself is just a space. What should I do?
Hi, Im kristine, ive been in a relationship for almost 10years now. Weve planned weddings before. But i cant deny there’s this on and off break up and make up. Recently i hurt him that caused him to pull himself away. I honestly tried to win him back, but the more I pushed myself (calling, texting, seeing him) the more he’s annoyed. He told me he misses me if im not around and if i dont text him. Whenever i dont text him, he would text me once a day or once in 2 days. He tells me he loves me, etc. I would like to know if space really is the answer? I cant see nyself without him. My 1st bf.. And hopinh to be my husband.. Pls help?
Hi
My boyfriend doesn’t give me that much time these days which he used to give earlier. We are in a long distance relationship. I always get annoyed on him because of no time. At last, he said leave me alone for some time & after that he neither texted or called me & it’s been a week now but I didn’t receive any Cl or msg from him.
What should I do
I don’t that I’m a relationship that they fight nonstop for the littlest thing are more in love. Fighting is a current issue with mine and there’s times that we are about to break it but intend to beg him that I’ll change not to blow up things but it’s hard. This time he said that he doesn’t know what to do I felt like a broke record telling him I’ll change but I mean it this time. His response was that he doesn’t know he needs time. I don’t know how I can save this relationship I do love him I want to show him that this is for real for our family
I’m in the same aituation to be honest, I didn’t realize that I was damaging our relationship by nagging constantly and being his ‘mom’. I didn’t do those things by purpose but this time he decided to leave, he didn’t even call me, usually we always solve the issues before we go to bed. I’m devastated. Did he contact you again?
why doesn’t anyone mention that each case is different, you can’t compare the cases to each other and these so-called guidelines focus on only one type of guy who needs space whereas there are several types of men who ‘need space’. one guy may use the pretense of needing space because he is betraying his gf and is seeing someone else.in that case waiting for such a guy is complete nonsense.the other one may have mental issues that prevent him from commitment at all.the third guy may really feel a bit pushed by his gf, in this case there may be a ‘happy-end ‘although i disrespect guys who run away instead of using the direct confrontation.those men don’t have respect for women.and finally guy nr.4 might want’space’ (like a guy i dated)because he is running away for good for everything he said was a lie.his job was a lie.his family history was a lie.even his height was a lie that i was dumb enough not to notice.so why the heck should anyone wait for such freaks?
I’m in long-distance relationship and new relationship my bf asked for space yet nothing happened btn us I’m abit worried about it.what should I do
HI Ceis. I think you should give him space and try to focus on yourself in the meantime. He will come back and when he comes just behave happily with him
Hi im giving the guy I’m seeing space not chasing him.. But does hurt being christmas.. New year time… I’ve givin him space before and he bounced back to me.. But unsure this time.. He asked me to be his girlfriend and it was a dream come true finally ☺all good went fishing but his mate always around..had a great day.. Then he just turned in 24hrs nasty.. Then he said he needed space..Crissy g9ne now and I got a hunch to have a look on zoosk and yep there he was! He saw I created a profile he viewed me twice… Nothing not a word.. Felt like a was being ripped apart.. Really hurtful… This is the space I gave him and he’s done this any thoughts anyone?
Annie I’m with you there. Sad things is he has done this to me Three times and it’s always him that makes contact with me it’s been going on for over a year now . We didn’t speak for almost 6months then a message out of the blue and it was back to how it was all good then over Xmas nothing message last week and he made contact last week then on Monday he needs space and time. Can’t win!! My friends keeps telling me “If they make you a Option make them history” easier said then done.
I wronged my boyfriend and he’s asking for space. His birthday is 4 days away from now, if he doesn’t call me before then can I show up on his door step or should I call him or should I just let him be? I need advise please
could text him during space time ? just tell him miss him …?
Me n my boyfriend we were fighting a lot n is All because I send him bad messages. He cheated on me.
I was hurt n I couldn’t control my anger,he sad he love me,he want to be with me but his need space. Must I call him at night/morning?? Like we used to.or walk away
I went thru what you went thru . I got cheated on and he said he love me but he needed space it was just hard to not be mad and not say hurtful stuff. I regret lashing out on him I gave him his space but it kinda went south he started to hook up with other girls. Mind you we have a kid together so it would of been easier to let be but nope. Almost a year later we thought to give it a try again it was good.
My booboo just asked for few weeks space and I did , can I call him after a few weeks or wait for him to call?
I consider time away from each other a break up.
My boyfriend of eight years and I got into a fight and he told me that he needs time away from me..
How should I deal w this situation?
This post is extremely helpful! My boo just asked for space today and I almost lost it. I knew we were having minor issues but not to the point where space was needed. But I decided to give him space because I want him to figure things out and potentially make this work for us. Space just may be what we both need!
i never would want to experience this, but thanks for the heads up.
better to talk about it and then try to understand so you can come up with a better solution.
very good insights you pointed out here.
thanks you for this post, now i know what to do.
do not be afraid, every relationship experiences this and just give him space is he says he’ll use it.
i think this is something every relationship needs especially when you’ve been together for a while and things need a bit of recharging.
i get it now..thanks for sharing your thoughts, i learned a lot from this.
thank you for this advice. i think this is something i needed to learn for future relationships. but i won’t wish it happens to me, ever!
don’t get too paranoid thinking about what you did wrong. it’s not always you fault. talk to your man and ask what the issue is and if he really wants space, give it to him. you might even be the one to benefit more than him.
thanks for your advice, i think i need to really listen to you this time and let him have the space he needs :(
consider his reasons and his needs. if you gove him space as he needs it, you’ll be better together
this is a good read. thanks for your awesome insights, this will surely help me.
good thing i saw this post today. i think my partner might want some space at the moment. we’ve been through some issues and he has problems w/ his family now. i think i should let him take his time dealing with all the mess in his life including his work.
if this happens to me, i’ll let him be. it’s also a great opportunity for him to see my real value if i won’t be around for a while.
don’t try to control him and his intentions. ask why he needs it and if you think his reason is valid, give it to him. im sure if you;re the one needing space, you’d want him to do the same…
thanks for explaining this thoroughly..every girl needs to read this!
giving him space won’t be too hard for me. i’m just a bit worried of the girls around him especially at work. there’s someone who really likes him there and i don’t want his attention towards that girl instead :'(
Olivia I know it’s long time past this, but in the future if someone has the same problem. If he’d be paying more attention, that just would show they’re completely not worth you and your trust. So just let him hang around these girls, and if he’s trustworthy, nothing bad will ever happen. Nothing good ever came out of being jealous. Stop panicking. Can you live without him? You can. Don’t tie him to you like that. Although I completely understand you, if he’s worth you, he’d never give you a reason to worry! So don’t!
this is so scary! i wouldn’t wanna hear it from my boyfriend ):
wow, this is gonna be tough for anyone. i mean, im not sure i candle this
OK, i will try these. i hope he’d still come back to me.
don’t be afraid to give him the space he’s asking for. if he needs it, it definitely be great for the relationship afterwards
if this happens to me, i might still consider it a break up. i don’t want false hopes and expectation especially in relationships.
my ex once asked me for some space and i totally freaked out. how i wish i’ve learned this sooner
better give him the space he needs than push him to his limits and lose him eventually
if he asks for some space, don’t overthink things. Talk to him
give him the space he needs and don’t chase after him. give hi reasons to miss you instead
we all need some space and time every now and then. if your man asks for it, give it to him so he won’t feel being controlled
i think you’re right, i get your point now.
i really enjoy this site! lots of interesting & helpful articles, will definitely share this to my friends. keep it up guys!
i agree with this article, all you have to do in this situation is give him the time and space to work things out on his own… it will also help you think.