One of the questions I see most often among women in relationships of all stages is “Why doesn’t he make me more of a priority in his life??”
You don’t feel like he puts you first…but that’s really important in a relationship! Right?
Not feeling like your man is making you his top priority can leave you feeling upset, confused, and resentful. After all, he’s always on your mind. How could he not be? You love him!
So why aren’t you on his mind more often?? Sometimes it seems like you’re the last thing on his mind! That’s not how things are supposed to be!
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
When your relationship is a struggle to make him see that you should come first…
You’ll spend thirty minutes coming up with the perfect selfie text to send him while he’s at work so he’ll be thinking of you. You consult with your girlfriends to see if they think it’s a good one. They approve. You click “send” and you check your phone every couple of minutes in anticipation.
more: How Men Really Show Their Love
You either get no reply at all or else it takes him ages to text back and he barely gives you a response, much less the one you were hoping for. You analyze your text to see what you could have done better but come up with nothing.
Your friends are all disappointed right along with you and assure you that you deserve better. You’re more outspoken friends say that you should dump him and find someone who appreciates you properly.
You don’t want to leave. But you’re starting to think that you’ll never come first with him and you begin to feel like he just doesn’t want to be with you as much as you want to be with him.
He’s never actually said that to you but it’s pretty obvious isn’t it? He puts practically everything ahead of you! His job, his friends, his family, his dog…even tv and video games are more important than you are sometimes.
more: How To Stop A Guy From Withdrawing – In 3 Steps
You try to get him to see that you need more but only it seems to make want to spend even less time with you…
Why your need to be a priority is something you should examine more closely
While you obviously don’t want to be all but ignored for the rest of your life, you should understand that a strong desire to be a priority is based on your own need for security.
You have an idea in your head of just how much time your man should spend focused on you and when you don’t get it, you begin to have doubts about the relationship. You may even start to complain and make demands for more time together.
And why wouldn’t you?
more: When You Don’t Feel You’re Important In His Life
Everywhere you look you see examples of how relationships should be. Books, tv shows, movies, articles in magazines, and even some relationship experts are all telling you that a “real man” will’ make you the center of his life.
Real men should reply to every text and not with one word answers. Real men plan date nights for the two of you without being asked. Real men make a woman feel loved and cherished every second of her life. It goes on and on.
Men are often expected to walk this very narrow relationship tightrope that makes a woman the center of his universe without crossing over into being needy. But it’s just not possible to stay balanced on that rope all of the time.
It’s exhausting and it inevitably leads to dissatisfaction, arguments, and eventually…breakup.
How To Make Him Treat You Like A Priority
Women who have the most long lasting, happy, and loving connections with their men know that the key isn’t to be a man’s number one priority all of the time and that guys change priority out of love and respect, not demand. These women know that they are an additional priority in his life. They are not replacing or taking the lead over his other priorities. While women are incredible multi-taskers and can have many things on their minds at once, most men prefer to focus on one thing at a time and give it their undivided attention.
So when a man is at work, his number one priority is going to be his job.
And you want that! His work is a vital part of his life.
more: The Exact Reasons Men Lose Interest (And How To Fix It)
All of his other priorities are a vital part of his life. Even the ones you consider to be silly. Otherwise they wouldn’t be a part of it. And the more you respect and support those other parts of his life, the more satisfaction he gets from them and the more free he is to give you his undivided attention when his focus is on you.
more: When It Seems Like You’re Not Important To Him…
Supporting his other priorities is not that hard to do, especially when you do it consistently and start to see him feeling closer to you and wanting to make you his focus more often.
How you show your support and respect is really very simple…
Just because you can text him at work doesn’t mean you should!
Reserve texts and phone calls for important matters. Don’t interrupt his work day just to send him a selfie or tell him that you love him.
You wouldn’t interrupt a heart surgeon in the middle of a triple bypass with a text just because you’re bored and thinking of him, right?
Respect your man’s job that much. It doesn’t matter if he’s a janitor or an airline pilot in the middle of hurricane season. You’re not respecting the job, you’re respecting that your man is at his work and that is where his focus needs to be.
more: Realizing You’re His Option, Not His Priority
The same goes for all of his other priorities. Support and respect them and do it because that’s the kind of partner you want to be.
This includes tv and video games or any other form of solo entertainment your particular guy depends on.
Everyone needs down time. And everyone has their own way of doing it. Always remember, if he needed it before he met you, he will most likely still need it after you’re together.
Supported and respected down time leads to him wanting to voluntarily spend more time with you once he’s decompressed. It’s not exactly quality down time if you’re standing there sighing or staring at him with your arms folded waiting for him to be finished.
more: 9 Signs He’s Really Not That Into You
It may or may not be satisfying down time for him if you try to share this time with him. That depends on his ability to focus with you there and if you can fit in and be part of it instead of trying to distract him and become his main focus. Many couples have great down time together but it’s very important to let your guy retreat to his man cave and relax without you for a while if he needs that too.
And if you’re thinking right now, “Why do I have to support and respect this stuff? What’s he going to respect and support for me?”, then it’s probably time to remind you that keeping score has no place in a healthy relationship. Ever.
However, the more a man feels support and respect from his partner, the more irresistible she will be to him. A man who has this will nearly always instinctively want to see to it that the woman he loves has the best life he can offer her.
more: Where Are You On His Priority List?
He will often follow her lead and begin to show the same respect and support without being asked. He will also feel that he can love and trust her more deeply, be more connected to her, and be more present with her.
So the time you do have with him will be fully focused quality time. It is up to you to appreciate it, make it count, and not waste it resenting him for not giving you more.
However, even if you do everything right and give him the space he needs something in his life might make him start unconsciously pulling away from you and losing interest, which will ruin your relationship and drive him away from you 100% of the time unless you stop it before it’s too late. If you think he might be losing interest then the first step is to read this right now: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Wishing you the very best.
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Related posts:
Avoid These 8 Huge Mistakes Women Make That Push Men Away
How To Know When You’re In Love? 25 Sure Signs You’re Falling in Love
The Exact Reasons Men Lose Interest & How to Fix It
The 9 Biggest Signs He’s Ready To Settle Down With You
How To Make Him Worried About Losing You Or Make Him Think He Lost You
Why Men Pull Away: 3 Easy Ways To Stop A Man From Withdrawing
Thank you I really enjoyed this article. He is home on leave with his family and having a blast and I am working everyday so it made me really resentful when he didn’t make time to call. But after reading this I responded from a place of kindness and understanding. It really helped me put things more into perspective!
Im actually in this situation were im really tired to understand him..we were so good before ..communication is better since were in long distance rationship..but i realise and noticed that he dont see the time difference since hes living in Nl and im in dubai..i usually wait him to finish hes wowork ..he works in. PostNl which ik he has so Hard work than me..so i still keep trying yo understand him..but he often give me a time since past few months..im trying to understand him but i can see that im the only one trying to putan effort all the time ..he usually said this is me deal with it, even out off days we r the same but he woke up like 5 pm in my time or sometimes morethan that..which i am actually waiting him to atleast send me a msg even one..sometimes i dont think believe he still sleeping in that time..i feel hes avoiding me anymore..thier times that i adk my self am i not good enough to understand him ,still not enough to waited him all they long till he finish hes work but then just he msg me a bit and say goodnight?!im nkt really asking a full attention from him but atleast i want him to be part of hea priority too..right now i feel so hard..! I actually dont know what to do!
After reading this blog I had to go back and check…yep, written by a man. Very self centered perspective. It’s plain old bad behavior to think you can be in any kind of relationship and not give it priority. If you don’t give your boss the time they need, your job goes away. If you don’t dedicate time to your hobby, you’ll suck at it. If you don’t spend time with a loved one, they’ll leave. It’s that simple. You are entitled to set the priority but you are not entitled to keep the relationship if it’s low on your list. Come on guys…it’s not that difficult. If you tell me I’m last I’m going to find someone that will put the time in where you wouldn’t.
I just got of a relationship with a guy do to his lack of priority. He finally admitted he didn’t want a serious relationship or maybe it was just not with me.
I don’t mind someone having a good work ethic but I’m sorry if my family member is dying you can put it aside for an hour or so and be with me.
My real Issue with him was not the work ethic but not integrating me in his life.
You have to be able to walk and chew at the same time and this particular person loaded his life up so much that so much of his communication was hiebexhausted he was. Sorry. But no.
I do think you need to be understanding of work goals other stuff but there is a point where understanding ends.
I found this and other similar posts when I looked for “not a priority in my relationship”. I know plenty of heterosexual men who feel they are not priorities to their women partners. So, why is this article and most of the comments so gendered? Is it because more men than women are self-centered jerks? Is it because men don’t ask about this or other issues?
This article sounds like when a man is busy at work or out with his friends and can’t talk to you during that time. What if it’s a more serious prioritizing issue? My guy and I are long distance, and we hadn’t seen each other in a year. He came for a week to visit his family recently without initially telling me till he got in town, spent a couple hours with me just one day, and spent the rest of the time with his family without inviting me. This isn’t something minuscule like him not replying to my text while he’s busy at work or busy out with friends. He is SINCERELY prioritizing other people before me, and frequently lately.
Hmm..this is a great way to become a doormat. So we should me him and his priority while accepting the fact that we are just 1 of his option because it shows we are respectful of his other priorities and option? Yeah, okay. Tried that. Doesn’t work. Men get lazy and start taking you for granted when you are too nice.
If he ignores, the best thing to do is focus on yourself! You are more important than him and if he cant be bothered then who cares!! There are 7 and a billion people in this world.. go get a life..I so agree with your response ItsMe
I love this writeup so interesting
This is a really good article. I have a lot of responsibilities in my life that are non-negotiable — if I fail at them, then everything else in my life will unravel. When you’re a dad with a mortgage and a responsible position at work, with other people relying on you, then there are things you have to do and focus on, deadlines to meet etc. My wife resents it when I’m focused on my responsibilities, and it is a cause of tension between us. I love her and care for her 100% but when I simply can’t focus on her, she doubts it, and her insecurities gnaw at her. I get the feeling that women worry away at little signs that they feel imply that their man is pulling away, even when they aren’t. (I’m reminded of that story of the man thinking deeply about the strange noise his engine is making while his girlfriend thinks his thoughtful absence means he’s not into her.)
I don’t know how to get across to her kindly that just because I’m focused on my responsibilities, it doesn’t mean she’s not my highest priority. In my mind, meeting my responsibilities is connected with her being my #1 priority, because I wouldn’t be doing this job if it wasn’t for the need to provide for our shared life together. There’s a deep instinct in men to take on the responsibilities required to provide for and protect the family and it’s our way to show our commitment in practice, even if it means we can’t always be present.
I really enjoy seeing a man’s input on this. Thank you!
this is all true. at first we think it is difficult but sooner or later, you’ll know how to handle this.
you are absolutely right! women ought to respect the priorities of men so as to be a part of them eventually.
making him a priority w/out him making you one is tiring..talk to him about how you really feel.
understand that men needs this too but when women start to demand for the same attention and efforts, men tend to pull away. women should learn to be patient and understand we are different from them
i think it is important that you feel good and feel right about the relationship so it’s best that you feel appreciated and prioritized.
it’s really a struggle to make him see and realize i’m one to prioritize also. men are just too caught up w/ their career and hobbies like sports and stuff, it’s really kinda difficult for us, women.
demanding this from men could make or break your relationship..you have to let it flow and grow. man do not like being told what to and what not to do
This is awesome, i began to follow some of these tips in my relationship, and i’m already seeing some changes in him. This really does make sense, and I hope that more women can understand this and just try it.
i’m just glad my partner have learned to make me a priority. in time, they will learn to..just show him how to do it.
treat him well and he’ll do the same. i think this is true only if you find a man who is gentle and responsible, knowing his responsibilities to you as a partner.
you need to be prioritized, make sure he knows this onset of the relationship, because if not, he will treat you otherwise and it will be difficult for him to adjust when you demand it from him later on.
i say it’s a 2-way street. do your part and surely he will do his for as long as he could feel how genuine you are.
if he’s not that into you, you are definitely waiting for nothing. so better be sure that you matter to him and that he’s willing to put in some effort to make you feel that way.
are women supposed to beg for attention? no way! i hope men would also learn to adjust and meet women’s needs too.
to all my girl friends and ladies out there..i hope you’re all reading this!
i like this. it makes a lot of sense bec i think most women are frustrated getting theor partners to prioritize them
i love this article..such great insights and points to really think about
why can’t they just make us feel like we’re a priority..that’s what we deserve anyway
i like this post, i will spread the word to my friend bec i know she badly needs it right now
don’t demand this from him..it won’t even make sense if he does it just for the time being..learn how to make him realize how precious & deserving you are to put to top priority in his life
you are right! this really make sense..women tend to demand this from men all the time. great insights! :)
this is indeed a great point of view. a lot of women will learn so much from these stuff
you should ever beg for attention..make him realize how you prioritize him by actions and he’ll surely do the same eventually
great article, this is an eye opener for a lot of women for sure!
don’t push it. show him how you love and prioritize him, he’ll do the same if he loves you back
as the saying goes..give and it will come back to you. if you treat him like a priority and you do it genuinely w/out always reminding him, he will eventually give it back naturally.
treat him as you want to be treated and don’t demand attention. draw him to give you attention that you deserve
understanding men is one of the most important things women should learn. they think differently and their priorities are a lot different from ours.
Yes Darsha, that is very true. Understanding that men and women are very different is key to living together harmoniously, like Yin and Yang. A mature man will honour his instinct to provide and protect by focusing on his work responsibilities. He sees that as part and parcel of his choice to prioritise his wife and family. He doesn’t work hard because he wants to prioritise his boss, he works hard because the fruits of his labour provide for his family. So if his wife complains that he is not prioritising her, he feels hurt, because he feels that spending all those stressful hours at the office with those annoying people and all those politics IS prioritising her and the family. Some very ambitious men work for the sake of the career, but for most men, work is a means to the end of being a responsible contributor to the family rather than a selfish end in itself. After all, most family spending decisions are made by the women, and the money he earns is family money.
men needs the same kind of love as we do. but we show them in many ways. most of us need precious time from them but men are dedicated to their work and this is how they are, we need to understand that a man’s priority is his job for our security and future. that’s how they show us that they love and prioritize us.
Yes, Katarina. You totally get it, 100%!!!
i’ll take note of your advice..thanks i need this right now