You’re here because you want to know the reasons that a man will leave the woman he loves.
Seems impossible on its face, right? If a man really loved someone, wouldn’t he go to the ends of the earth to stay with her and be with her?
For women who have been blindsided by a breakup, the first question is always “why?”
“Why did he leave me? What did I do wrong? How could he want to leave when we’ve always been so much in love?”
more: Why Do Men Pull Away
The truth is, for men and women, even if you love someone, if you’re not happy (and can’t see the relationship getting better), you do what’s best for you and let go.
So if you’ve been shocked by the man you love unexpectedly ending the relationship, even though he still loves you, here are the most common reasons a man will leave the woman he loves.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
The 7 Biggest Reasons Why A Man Will Leave The Woman He Loves
1. The Relationship Feels Like An Emotional Burden To Him
I’ve talked about this a lot in other articles, because it applies to most every relationship: the relationship should be the icing on the cake, not the cake itself.
more: The Top 3 Reasons Men Withdraw
What do I mean by that?
I mean that a great relationship grows out of two people who have their own lives and their own happiness, who bring together their lives and create happiness for each other.
In all great relationships, both partners don’t depend on each other for their happiness, they bring their happiness into the relationship.
Too often, relationships can collapse into emotionally co-dependent traps, where both partners are trying to extract their happiness from the relationship, rather than bring happiness into the relationship.
more: Why Men Pull Away When They’re Falling In Love
If that happens, instead of feeling like he can be happy with you, he’ll feel like he’s responsible for your happiness – like he’s burdened by the job of making sure you’re happy.
That kind of dynamic in a relationship is toxic – eventually one or both partners get tired of taking responsibility for the other person’s emotional state, and things fall apart.
So if she’s trying to extract her happiness from the relationship, and he feels like it’s more of a burden than a joy in his life, it could make him leave – even if he loves her.
2. The Relationship Is Overwhelmingly Negative
This ties in with number 1.
A good rule of thumb is that a guy will want to stay in a relationship if it feels good. That’s not to say that he’ll abandon a relationship the second times get tough – guys will stick out hard times for a woman they love the same as women will.
But the longer things stay negative, and the longer it feels like effort being together, the more that will weigh on him – just like it would weigh on her were the roles reversed.
Neither men nor women will stick around in a negative situation that feels bad to be in forever. Eventually, that kind of negativity will make the relationship fall apart.
more: What To Do When A Guy Withdraws
So if things have been bad for a while – maybe she’s depressed, or they’re fighting all the time, or any other reason that most days being together feels bad rather than good – he’s almost certainly eventually going to leave no matter how much he loves her.
3. The Long Term Relationship Goals Are Incompatible
In a perfect world, people would be up front about what they want out of life.
more: Why Didn’t He Text Back?
Maybe he wants kids and she doesn’t ever see wanting them. Maybe he wants to live in the place he grew up, while she would rather travel. Maybe he wants to save and retire by 50, while she would rather enjoy life now and keep working longer later.
If you’re up front about big life decisions like that relatively early in the relationship, it saves you the pain of finding out that you have incompatible life goals later, and having to make the hardest choices.
If both partners can’t find a compromise about an issue that’s really important to both of them, it could drive them apart. If you want different things out of life, even if you love each other, breaking up could still be the only solution.
more: Why Did He Withdraw After Sex?
4. He Feels Like He Can’t Be Himself
A lot of people will tell you that a guy will leave a woman he loves because she’s “nagging” him too much… or that he feels like she’s trying to “fix” him.
And while that’s sort of accurate, it doesn’t tell the whole picture.
Great relationships are about compatibility. In a great relationship, both partners can be their whole, honest, genuine selves with each other – without judgement and without too much friction.
(Of course, you’ll have pet peeves about your partner the same way they’ll have them about you. I’m talking about big time friction here.)
more: What Are The Top Signs A Guy Is Pulling Away?
If the guy feels like he can’t be himself around his partner – whether that’s because he feels like she nags him when he’s being his genuine self, or because she doesn’t like the way he acts when he’s being honest and genuine and tries to change or “fix” him – it’s going to grate on him.
And if he feels like he just can’t be himself around her without getting negativity from her in return, it might be enough to make him leave, even if he’s in love with her.
5. The Sex Life Slows Down Or Even Stops
Part of any good relationship is finding the balance between the needs and desires for intimacy between both partners.
more: Why Did He Pull Away After Making Love?
And although the sex life slowing down is a normal part of any long term relationship, there still has to be a balance, where both partners feel that their needs are being met.
If either the man or the woman feels like there’s not enough sex in the relationship, and feels like the situation isn’t going to change, it’s enough to make them question whether being in the relationship is worth it.
6. He’s Tired Of Being Compared To Other Men
At the root of every relationship is the joy and happiness that comes from knowing that you were chosen – out of everyone else in the world – by your partner.
more: The Exact Signs A Man Is Pulling Away
The joy that comes from knowing your partner chose you, and you specifically, to be with is part of the engine that makes any good relationship go.
He wants to feel like you’re choosing him and choosing to be with him every day – just like you want to feel like he’s choosing you to be with every day.
So if he feels like he’s not your first choice – if he feels like he’s being compared negatively to other men and that he doesn’t stack up – it’s going to erode his joy and his desire to be in the relationship.
more: What To Do When A Guy Withdraws
He’ll feel like he’s a “second choice” or worse, like you’re with him out of pity or because you’ve decided you can’t do better than a second rate man.
No one wants to feel that way, it’s a horrible feeling. If that’s the feeling he gets from the relationship, it’s enough to make him want to leave, even if he’s in love.
more: Reasons Why Men Leave
7. One Or Both Partners Stopped Putting In Effort And Taking Care Of Themselves
This is similar to #5 – in that in any long term relationship it’s natural for the people involved to let themselves go a little bit.
The key words here are “a little bit” – relaxing some is fine but completely stopping taking care of yourself is another thing.
more: Top Reasons Men Break Up With Women They Love
A common thread through all these reasons a guy might leave a woman he loves is that he might feel like the woman he fell in love with doesn’t exist anymore.
People change, and everyone changes over time. But there’s a difference between changing and growing older, versus stopping putting in effort completely.
more: Reasons Men Leave Women They Love
If he feels like the person he fell in love with is gone, replaced by someone who’s stopped trying and who doesn’t show any desire to start trying again, it could be enough to push him away from the relationship – even if he did truly love her in the first place.
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
In summary…
The Top Reasons Why Men Leave The Women They Love
- The relationship feels like an emotional burden to him.
- The relationship is overwhelmingly negative.
- The long term relationship goals are incompatible.
- He feels like he can’t be himself.
- The sex life slows down or even stops.
- He’s tired of being compared to other men.
- One or both partners stopped putting in effort and taking care of themselves.
Related posts:
The 9 Biggest Reasons Men Fall Out of Love
Avoid These 8 Huge Mistakes Women Make That Push Men Away
Will He Miss Me If I Leave Him Alone? Here’s What Makes Him Come Back!
How To Get Over Unrequited Love Fast
Is He Into Me? 8 Huge Signs He’s Into You And Likes You
The Real Reasons Men Pull Away When They Are Falling In Love
Mine is really toxic, all the reasons given above are very present…I need courage to make this stop at once
Compatibility between lovers, good relationship with in-laws and honesty are the bases of a long lasting relationship.
Do you think there is likelihood they’ll come back after ending it for the first/second reason if it was only like that for a couple months? (like a couple months into the pandemic)
They are avoiding their feelings and don’t really know what they want. Also, if they have low self esteem and don’t think they deserve who they are with.
The relationship feels like an emotional burden to him.
Especially when she tells him his feelings are “wrong”.
The relationship is overwhelmingly negative.
He is told he never does anything right.
The long term relationship goals are incompatible.
She wants him to surrender all control to her leaving him nothing.
He feels like he can’t be himself.
He can’t. She wants Barbie’s Ken and he wants who he’s always been..
The sex life slows down or even stops.
He’s committed. No need for the bait now.
He’s tired of being compared to other men.
Then why didn’t she connect with one of them instead?
One or both partners stopped putting in effort and taking care of themselves.
Too much work for no benefit.
If you want to stop your boyfriend from leaving, you will have to figure out about his needs and try to satisfy them as soon as possible, this is the way it works in almost all the relationships, not only the intimate ones
It’s been 2 weeks. I still don’t understand what went wrong. We were together for 10 months. We saw each other on a Saturday, and by Tuesday he was saying his ex was stressing him out, he was depressed and wasn’t mentally ready to be in a relationship. He was so loving and kind to me. I don’t understand any of this.
if he really love you he would never leave you !
I think that one really big reason why relationships fail is the same reason somebody would have to write this type of article to begin with…
Communication. We’re all so connected these days, and we can talk a lot but never really say anything… and while we’re keeping shut about things, we’re looking for clues about what they’re keeping shut about.
It’s exhausting, and it’s kind of dumb, because very often both halves of a couple are feeling/thinking the very same things.
Stop sleuthing.
Talk to each other. Be honest with your partner. Listen to what they say, without trying to put any sort of spin on it. Fix problems. Say sorry, if you screw up. Don’t try to be coy – if the relationship matters and you are serious about it, treat it with the respect it deserves.
Then use all the extra time and brain power you might otherwise have wasted to have loads and loads of amazing sex. Together. :)
This is my philosophy almost to a tee. But in my own life communication has shut down and things have been said by her to me in anger that shine a light on how I now think she truly feels. I fight to solve problems and she fights to win. Wasting time with giving me silence when I ask why things have gone this far downhill. The words are there when she says she loves me, but her actions tell a different story. I remind her of good things I have brought to her life when I feel hopeless and powerless to be whatever it is she would hold in high enough regard to try for. Just to be told I am not allowed to speak of them because “I am holding it over her head”. Intimacy has all but gone away and seems like she views it as an obligation. I sense this so I walk away, it’s not just a physical act to me. At what point to you just give up to save yourself? This has been very confusing and depressing for me. We are both pushing 50 and I don’t want to start all over but if I am going to be this lonely I would rather just be alone.
My husband worked away for most of our 5 year relationship, to gain more money to have a better life and save for a home whilst I was self employed at home. There were dreams and goals, whilst I was striving for our dreams and goals he was never here , even when he was in town he was gone early everyday saying he was working but wasn’t always working . I couldn’t talk about money or anything about his life away from me and how our plans for the future to leave and set a home somewhere else. As he became defensive, there was never enough money in his account and was always overdrawn and he was always changing jobs and never seemed to be getting anywhere., or happy in his work place someone else was to blame.
He kept walking out when ever I wanted to talk about anything, it was like he would deny and leave things out, not tell the whole truth. The days turned into weeks and now months as he would always come back as though nothing has happened and I would happily welcome him home and not say anything. But now 3 months later he’s tried to return crying as he does often. I’m left incredibly confused hurt and left again tortured by his constant punishment. It’s not always what you’ve done wrong as all I wanted was his connection. I was the loving consistent loyal understanding wife who was slowly taken advantage of for her good nature. It eroded my soul my sense of who I was just discarded. Now he’s reaching out like nothing has ever happened as this was the usual pattern, 3 and half months later texting me saying he’s thinking of me and hopes I’m well and how much his vows mean to him. If you’re confused reading this you know and understand. How it’s left me.
I found it hard to trust him as he was a wanderer frequenting pubs I found out, along with the wandering eye. He led a seperate life, if we ever went away which was brief it was awkward and unfulfilling and felt like he just wanted to roam and be validated by the outside world. There is so much more to this personality and this story.
But he says he won’t give me closure.
My husband never stopped cheating idk did he ever loved me or wat bcz we share a 3yr old daughter n he kept saying he cnt divorce me nor afford to luz me bt he nva stops with the lies cheating n betrayal
As A man these reasons are not why I left the woman I love. The reason for me was another woman was involved.
these are all true and very important. i hope very woman can read this so we can understand our partners better
if the relationship feels like it’s a burden and becomes purely negative, it will not survive
it is too sad to hear about a man leaving his woman because in the end they lost faith in each other and their relationship :(
don’t be over controlling, this will ruin your relationship
sensible and true!
if you keep comparing him to others especially about their success, he will soon be forced to leave
do not overwhelm him with your expectations. this will burden him and make him feel comfortable. this will push him to leave
relationships should never bring negativity..it should push you to be better and grow together positively
as a women, we all should all forgive our own partner even tho they have dissapointed us many time but, as long as the feelings of love didn’t chnge, others matter is not important ! there’s no such relationships of you and btween ur partner are not having a feeling of bored with each other once a time right ? and we afraid of a little change in our relationship bcoz u feel tht if a little things change you would miss the old relationship tht is good enough than bfore also, ur partner will not behave like they love you anymore.
if he feels he can’t be himself with you, either you are over controlling or he has a problem on his own.
if after some time the relationship feels like a burden, he’ll definitely be gone.
when your expectations are far more important than allowing him to be himself around you, he will eventually be forced to quit and leave.
avoid making the relationship seem like a burden for your man. work things out but don’t overdo things
thank you for your advice. these are really helpful in most relationships
a man who feels like he can’t be himself around a woman isn’t gonna be happy and won’t last in the relationship.
wow, this blew my mind a bit! thanks for sharing it.
don’t ever stop making efforts fro him and your relationship
don’t make him feel like the relationship is s burden to bear. also keep away from all the drama.
there are many more reasons out there and still women get stuck asking why or what they did. it is unfair to always think it’s your fault. i hope this article could spread the lessons in it.
incompatibility is definitely a deal breaker. try to look at this beginning of the relationship so you won’t have a problem later on.
never ever compare your men to other men especially to your ex or someone he dislikes
all these are true. some i have encountered already, it sucks!
as some of these reasons can be acceptable, some are just too shallow as well. i hate men who can;t just commit and be serious about their relationships.
some relationships end up great, while some end up as if two people never knew each other. this is why compatibility is very important. you don’t want to start great but end up with a broken heart after all.
men are different from women in so many ways. things can be a burden for them if you’re not careful with how you treat him.
compatibility makes it or breaks it. if in the end you do not have the same plans and direction for the future, he’ll start pulling away and he’d be gone before you even know it
My boyfriend and I just broke up a month ago….and it is true, we have different goals….he always told me he was convinced we were meant to be together and all of a sudden, when I asked him if he was still thinking of a future together he said NO…after almost two years of relationship…….
when you both get complacent and you stop making efforts to take care and love each other, your relationship is eventually gonna fall apart
we should really know if a man is a commitment type or not because whatever we do, if he doesn’t want any commitment, he will leave any way
great tips! Thanks for sharing this! :)
it would be devastating to be in this sitiation =(